When my energy is low, everything looks like a tragedy to me.
Every bit of disconnection, of separation and of negativity accumulates into something...sad.
Sometimes I'm entirely aware of the strange way I put things, as if something catastrophic has happened, when it's just something...insignificant.
Sometimes though, I'm painfully aware that I'm making myself something people understand, because I know any other way would land myself in a series of judgments that would alienate others...me, further.
Recently it's getting harder to verbalize what's bothering me. Though, I think, it is disintegration that's happening around me that makes things so hard to reconcile and accept, or even tolerate.
I'm not sure why I feel this inhibition. Like how it has been since as long as I was conscious of things, there's a resignation that the world never stops for anyone. Adherence to the order of the world, with a kind of dryness that lets me wonder why I keep myself intact.
Why does intensity drive people away?
Why then do I avoid intensity outside myself?
So much on my mind, so little coherence.
And the fact, that you can never get out of misunderstandings, because people desire that.
When will the storm calm?
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