What's in my mind today

I feel like there's a segment of my brain that's damaged
Permanently damaged
Like there's something that causes a disconnection between what is commonly understood and me
I've often wondered about the minds of those who conveniently ignore reality
Going about their daily lives, as if the errors of concept have no consequence
On this thing we call reality
But why is it that our experiences are so real to ourselves
And yet have little consequence
Why is it that there's always a major disconnection in the world at large
Perhaps brain damage is more common than I think
Why is it that I am always waiting for real trauma
But hoping that it never happens
Why is it that I'm attracted to all things tragic and sad
But sometimes feel complete apathy
Is apathy a feeling
Is that a feeling
I despise the unsaid statements made
When another pretends to willfully ignore the plights of others
What do I despise
What I despise is that lack of empathy towards the plight
To ignore the plights of others is simple
Just don't empathize
What I'm talking about
Is the lack of defense and control
To block out these sensations that come to you
That make you wonder who's you, what belongs to you
And then you feel a certain numbness
Apathy, that's what we call it
A strange paradox
Between empathizing and then ignoring the plights
Not a pretense of ignoring the plights when empathy has taken place
But a pretense that you have no empathy
And then it creeps in a time you don't expect
Numbed and disturbed at the emotions that stir
Not yours, mind you, theirs
Almost as real as your own
Make no statements
Staring at pain and suffering in the face
Stuck in a limbo
Last night I dreamt that I was on a cruise
That I vomited
That I was under a curse
That I would die in three days
That I had somehow offended a supernatural being
That the crew on the ship were watching how the curse would unfold on me
That they knew why I was under a curse
That even I realized I was under a curse
And somehow, that I thought I would either reverse the damage
A silent contemplation
A quiet resignation to the situation
Feeling the fear around me stronger than my own
I'm complete rational as I write this
Why then do I write this
Mere catharsis
Catharsis
I'm done writing